Dust-covered Criminal Records File[]
File 340459
Glirbu of Stormwind. --- Security level: N/A
Name and age[]
Name: Glirbu, according to the subject, short for Gogh Le’man Illbread Roosterdung Battleoink Uggli.
Name at birth: Gustavus Telvios.
Age: Undetermined; if asked directly, the subject will say he is fifty years old, although he was born twenty-five years ago. The subject states he did not dare to come out until he was emotionally prepared.
Race and Class[]
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Class: Undetermined. If asked directly, the subject will say he is a professional Village Idiot. Due to some basic knowledge of the arcane arts, subject will be classified as a Mage.
Guild/Associates[]
Subject has a history of memberships in several organizations, including:
<Citizens of Azeroth>; a non-profit organization dedicated to the obliteration of hostility and racism between the many races and classes of Azeroth. Subject was thrown out of the guild as he showed great hostility and racism towards all races and classes of Azeroth.
<Brighteye High>; originally a mage’s guild – it is presumed the subject learned what he knows of magic here. He was thrown out for unknown reasons.
Also, the subject constantly brings up the word/name Mato, and the fact that he is a Matoist. This could be a reference to the Order of Mato, a mysterious, now possibly extinct cult that once harboured several wanted criminals.
Family[]
Subject states that his mother was one Ardaline Brangarde; the second time asked, he states she was one Terena Mandottir; the third time asked, he states that all mothers are just figments of the warchief Thrall’s imagination. The subject also continuously calls a man named ‘Burgle’ “brother”. It should be noted, however, that he also calls himself “the goggleman”, and all others, including women, “onion-mans”.
History of Crime[]
Snapshot of the subject (Man with goggles, to the left) from the Booty Bay massacre, at the identity parade.
- 3 (June 5th) Fined for wearing a dress in public. Paid 4 silver coins.
- 2 (January 10th) Arrested, one week, for kidnapping of a horse.
0 (February 17th) Fined for wearing a dress in battle against invading orcs. Paid 3 silver coins.
1 (September 22nd) Fined for wearing a dress while fleeing to the nation of Lordaeron. Paid 2 silver coins.
1 (September 22nd) Arrested, two days, for pickpocketing.
2 (June 25th) Fined for dancing in public while wearing a dress. Paid one silver coin and the dress.
6 (May 9th) Recieved a warning for performing target practice on orcs in a newly-built internment camp.
10 (May 23rd) Arrested, two months, for throwing a chicken at a statue of the late Lord Lothar.
10 (July 24th) Arrested, two days, for throwing a statue of the late Lord Lothar at a chicken.
14 (November 28th) Fined for performing a dissection of a chicken in a streetcorner. Paid one silver coin.
20 (April 21st) Arrested, seven months, for forcing a mage to transform a guard into a sheep, and then killing and eating the sheep.
25 (April 8th) Fined for converting people to his religion on the streets. Paid five silver coins.
27 (July 11th) Fined for wearing a dress in public. Paid one copper bar and half a chicken.
28 (December 24th) Fined for waving his private parts at bypassers. Paid twenty silver coins.
28 (December 24th) Initiated the Booty Bay massacre, where he slaughtered at least one gnome and three goblins. Got away.
SUBJECT IS WANTED BY -
The Stormwind City guard, for wearing a dress in public.
The Steamwheedle Cartel, for murder, sabotage and for stealing a great number of napkins.
If proof of his demise (preferably his dress) is presented to Highlord Bolvar Fordragon, a reward of two gold coins will be sent.
Appearance[]
Height: 181 cm / 71.3”
Weight: 83 kg / 183 lb (this includes two chickens)
Hair: None
Eyes: At all times hidden behind a pair of coarse goggles. Any attempt to remove the goggles will result in the subject going ape.
Notes[]
- The subject’s favourite colour is oggyboggy, which he states is a mixture of “shocking pink” and “bile-yellow”.
- The subject’s favourite number is 1787569.
- The subject owns a chicken. The chicken’s name is Chicken.
- The subject claims he commands a vast army of killer-chickens that he shall, quote, ‘release upon this monkey-forsaken celestial body once the master slaps me with a halibut!’.
If you see this person, be alarmed. Extreme caution is advised. This person is considered unarmed but very dangerous. He was last seen in the Old Town district of the City of Stormwind. If you see this person, do not act on your own, but alert the proper authorities.
All information digged up by Glirbu’s ‘friend’ Buri, as Gogh Le’man Illbread Roosterdung Battleoink Uggli lacks the interest, physical capacity and mental stability to do it himself.