"As the sea started rising,
the land that we'd conquered just washed away.
Although we all have tried to turn back the tide,
it was all in vain.
Now the day has come,
we are forsaken,
there is no time anymore.
Life will pass us by, we are forsaken,
only ruins stay behind."
- Within Temptation: Forsaken.
((The pages are hastily written, and at some points rather harshly put on the paper.))
I should've died many times, if you ask me. I should've died a long time ago. Five bloody long years, that's what it's been. I can't do anything right. Nothing.
I think I was happy when they finally signed me off, when Lady Proudmoore told me to return to Stormwind, to find my family, have some quality time with my relations. Bollocks. They'd just grown tired of my drinking and selfdestruction. Just wanted to get rid of me, that's what. And there wasn't any waiting for me in Stormwind. All gone, that's what they are. Dead and buried like my friends. The whole bloody lot of them. I thought they'd escaped. Turns out they hadn't. I just hope they're not Scourge or Forsaken.
Bloody war.
And Jonathan, Light knows where he is. No one knew, no one could tell me. They sent me to some archive, to see if they could dig up his name. I could've just spent the time drinking instead, as they didn't find any Jonathan Gentlespring in their records. Maybe we've missed him when the refugees came, and failed to get his name; maybe he was one of the injured lot that had lost their mind.
Bollocks. Brother was just as much a mage as I was. He was stronger than me. He'd not lose his mind like some of the peasant gits or lordly blaggards.
He'd not do like I did. Run when meeting the first daemon and let Peter face them alone.
Screwed up war! Bloody Lich King and his bloody henchmen!
Bloody me for being a yellow bitch...
I didn't run again, but it bloody well didn't matter. They all died in front of me. It ain't right. People're not supposed to see such things. Lordaeron - gone. Dalaran - smashed. I don't even know why I bothered going with Proudmoore when she talked about some bloody land over the sea that some nose-in-the-sky stranger had told her about. But it was all insane already, so what did it matter, anyway. What did matter anymore, for that matter. Besides Lucy and Gerhard wanted to go. They couldn't bare staying anymore. They bloody well should've. Lost Lucy at the initial skirmishes with the bloody Orcs. Shot her full of arrows that she looked like some target dummie.
Light's sake, Lucy. You were always so dang cocky, but you were one of a kind. Shite, how I miss you.
And Gerhard.
Why in the Twisting Nether didn't you listen! They said pull back, blast you. You gave a shite about what I said. Did you want for me to see you get torn to pieces by those bloody fel hounds? Was that it? After all we'd been?
I should've just stayed with you, you git. Give a rat's arse about the retreat orders. Then I'd be spared all this bollocks. Wouldn't matter if I'd died there, anyway. The Elves pulled off something that defeated those daemon bastards. And now they're like us, they says, but that ain't true. They may be mortals, but they sure as heck aren't the same as us. Like that cat Elf. Her silence bugs the shite out of me. I don't know why I even listened to Trawe, that Draenei bloke who's trying to sort out the mess in my head. I don't even know why the Nether I even bother.
I guess it's because he makes me forget, and because he says he's my friend. I think I said the same to him. I don't know why. I don't know nothing anymore.
Who am I kidding anyway. I've not known nothing for five bloody years.
Shite.
He talked me into staying. Even offered coming with me when I said I wanted just to piss off from this bloody place, away from that Keetee and her...whatever it bloody is. I don't get her. I don't get her pride or whatever it bloody is. Trawe said he'd make it right, if I'd let him. If not, he'd bloody come along. I can't do that...
He's got his mates and I'd dang well not pull him down to my place - seperate him from what I know he couldn't be without. Guess he's got hope for me for whatever reason. I'm no good as a friend. I just run away. I know I'm gonna sooner or later. Just wish I knew why I can't just leave this excuse of a walking corpse.
I'm already dead. Bloody body just keeps on walking.
Bloody crap.
It's all just bollocks.
Just can't get myself to hurt Trawe, though. He don't deserve it. He don't deserve becoming like me.
A sack of bloody selfpity that makes me wanna throw up.
Screwed up world, that's what it is. Just bloody screwed up.
"We lived our lives in our paradise,
as gods we shaped the world around.
No borderlines we'd stay behind,
though balance is something fragile.
While we thought we were gaining,
we would turn back the tide, it still slips away.
Our time has run out, our future has died,
there's no more escape."
- Within Temptation: Forsaken.
((Some of the letters are slightly maxed out, as though something wet has dripped down upon them.))
It was such a good day today. Trawe made me that dinner he owed me. It was great. He's a good cook. We talked. Back and forth. Something about my past, something about his present. His relationship with Nokama. She's lucky to have him, and I reckon he's lucky to have her. I left after a while, blew him a kiss. Couldn't resist. I regretted it the moment I did it, and portalled a few metres ahead, and just ran. I hope he didn't notice.
Day went slow. Nothing to do. I walked around the streets, looking for Keetee.
I did find her at the Pig.
Light, I should've just stayed at the Gilded Rose. I humbled myself before her, pleaded with her, begging her to tell me what it was, to give me a chance.
But she just glared at me like I was something that didn't deserve to live. And the way she treated me. Slapped me with a piece of meat right in my face. I remained standing though I felt like running. It hurt so much inside, I thought I'd break. She gave me a smile, but I knew it wasn't because she was gonna forgive me. Only talked about that I was nothing.
Didn't need her to tell me that. Trawe saw something in me, I told her that. Didn't matter to her.
And that Dwarf friend of hers didn't care either. Just told me to scram. Bet he didn't mind if I just laid down and died.
Light, I'm so tired.
I'm so tired of everything.
I don't know what to do.
I'm not worth anything. I knew it. I'm a nobody.
A bloody nobody.
"In this world you tried
not leaving me alone behind.
There’s no other way.
I prayed to the gods let him stay.
The memories ease the pain inside,
now I know why."
- Within Temptation: Memories.
Good Light, it’s been such a long time since I last scribbled in this empty book. So much has happened. So much has passed. And I feel great! After all that trouble, I just let it go and actually pulled myself together to do something with my life. Shivering and quivering I approached the magi at the Wizard’s Sanctum, talked to them about working for them now that I’ve been discharged from Theramore for a while. I shouldn’t even have worried!
Guess they saw that I meant something with my petition, though they knew of me already. Seems that’s what it was that I delivered when I got there – that letter from Lady Proudmoore. Wonder what she told them in that letter, though, but I haven’t really felt any kind of suspicion, so I guess it’s all good.
Trawe’s still the best friend I could’ve ever hoped for. He really knows how to cheer me up, how to make me smile. Gotta love him for that. We went to Moonglade that one day after I suggested we’d go to that wonderful place. Well, it was mainly to hear the Tauren legend of Mu’sha and Apa’ro. Always loved that story ever since that Tauren told me about it after the big fight at Mount Hyjal. Wonder where he is these days. Well, at least some of his fellow Shu’halo were there, and I managed to get one to agree to tell the tale before I brought Trawe there. Funny thing was that she directed us to another Tauren when we finally got there, but we still got to hear it. It was great. Really, really love that story.
Kinda made me boggle as I heard it again. How the White Stag leaps into the Great Dark to escape the Shu’halo hunters, and gets his antlers stuck in the stars. And when Mu’sha comes, chasing her brother An’she. Light, I’m getting all dreamy writing this. Could almost picture that it was slightly reversed, me being stuck in the stars, bewildered and afraid, and Trawe coming along, shining brightly and setting me loose.
Granted, he didn’t really bribe to love him like Mu’sha did.
Okay, that just sounded really, really silly, so I’ll just drop it at that.
I was a bit worried when he told me about those letters and that strange Kaldorei that seems cursed somehow. Seems Starlight has been bothered by some really far out brother of some Kaldorei girl that’s with them. Wonder what it’s about. If I see him getting bothered by this odd brother, I’ll sure as heck rush to Trawe’s aid, no thinking twice!
But I’m sure Trawe would be alright. He’s Trawe after all. Funny to watch him at times as he drinks his milk (Light, does he love his milk). I can see in his eyes that there’s something deep within that sometimes bothers him, but he usually just shrugs it off, just as he likes to just shrug off wounds. Heck, bet he’d shrug off any comments if his arm was lacking...
Bless him, though. He’s a solid friend. Glad our paths crossed.
Anyway, I met him again today at the Pig and Whistle. He was with this bloke, called Ibelin. Very nice chap. Would reckon him to be a charmer, but he was quite polite, and a good cook, I found. Well, I still love Trawe’s cooking.
Later on more of the Starlighters dropped by. I saw Eileena again for the first time in what seems like ages. She seemed preoccupied by the old man, Nomine. Didn’t really wanna bother her, and besides a friendly woman called Milwin kept me busy with questions. Seems she’s a mage, as well, but with the liking of fire magic. Well, I can wield it, but never been that good at it. Frost is more my thing. But apparently she thought I had good looks, so she seemed quite interesting in making a painting of me.
Gotta admit, maybe those Starlighters aren’t such a bad bunch, after all. Apart from that crazy cat. Glad she didn’t drop by and ruin it all. But speaking of cats, or druids at least, I wonder what that Cy...something is up to. She’s this really strange druid. Kept looking at me as though examining me. Really made me feel exposed somehow. When I first met her she kept asking about the arcane and how we Humans use it, etc. Never met a Kaldorei who was that interested in the arcane ways. They always struck me as being overly suspicious of it to the point that they loathed it. Maybe she’s of some Highborne family or something.
Ah, well, at least she’s nice enough.
And this has been a very good day. Hoping for more!