I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me
You used to captivate me By your resonating life Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind Your face it haunts My once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away All the sanity in me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along
-My Immortal
“I wanted to thank you for earlier dear” The voice came softly from somewhere ahead of her. “I was surprised to find you standing behind me.”
Entriia brought the delicately wrought wine glass to her lips and took a small sip, her eyes still firmly trained on the runes flowing across the page.
“I have felt better” Entriia responded quietly, her voice slurred with drunkenness.
Honoria spoke again after a few moments pause, “What’s up then?”
At these casual words, Entriia felt a prickle of hot anger. Keeping her head down and still watching the page the Kal’dorei answered coldly, “Nothings ‘up’, I’m fine”.
“Your NOT, but you just don’t want to talk to me.” Honoria reasoned, sighing as she spoke. “I don’t blame you Ent.”
The now familiar feeling welled up in her throat, instantly replacing any anger. Forcing herself to keep her eyes on the book, Entriia drained her wine glass, trying in vain to keep her voice even, “Evidently so”.
The human giggled softly, looking down at Entriia from her seat on the bar, “That wont help you”. She slipped off the bar and began walking away. Entriia let out a shuddering sigh, hot tears prickling at her eyes, threatening to unmask her emotions. “I...I have to do something”
The black garbed women stopped at that, turning around slowly, walking back towards the dark corner of the tavern. “We all do dear. Talking usually helps”
“Somehow I doubt talking with you would.” Entriia replied, her voice braking slightly.
She reached for the wine glass before realising it was empty, setting it back down with another sigh. Honoria spread her hands on the table, close to her. The lump in her throat grew, Entriia felt like she was going to be sick with grief. The Kal’dorei gazed longingly at Honoria’s pale, slender hands…close enough to just reach out and touch.
“What do you mean by that?” her former lover’s voice asked gently.
Entriia paused, closing her eyes for a long moment. She would not let Honoria see what she had done to her! Opening her eyes again, Entriia answered, her voice this time considerably steadier and with a hint of forced coldness. “The main problem centres on you, you see. So talking to you really wouldn’t help.”
Honoria nodded slightly, spreading her hands out wide. “Then take care of your problem… I am here.” She answered evenly.
“Then perhaps you should go!” Entriia managed, tears gently beginning to trickle down her delicately pale face.
Honoria answered after a long moment, gazing down at Entriia sadly. “If you want me to I will. You don’t want that though. Do you?”
The Kal’dorei raised her head finally, looking into Honoria’s eyes, her face glistening. She spoke quietly, her voice grief stricken and cracked. “Just…Seeing you hurts… I don’t want that”.
Honoria nodded sadly, a gentle frown settling on her soft lips. “I don’t want to hurt you, I will leave dear.” The woman turned and walked away from the shadowy corner table, leaving the quietly sobbing Entriia to her grief. “I do enough of that without being around it seems”, Honoria murmured as she left.
Closing her bleary eyes, Entriia’s head slid to the hard, cold wood of the table. Her mind drifting back, remembering every moment of this sea of emotion…
“I suppose you two are a couple now?” That one sentence. That had been it. “It’s so nice to see two friends come together in these times” Entriia had looked up, a confused frown on her face, looking across the nearly empty town hall at the three figures at the other end of the room, two of them holding hands. Honoria…Emily. The Kal’dorei growled softly, unwilling to hear anymore. She snapped the book closed and swiftly left the room. The woman she had thought loved her gave not even a single glance in her direction. No indication she had even been in the room.
The next evening Honoria came to her, trying to offer some sort of pathetic apology. As if anything could have made what she had seen, better. “Evening Ent dear.” Her voice was quiet and held an obvious nervous tone to it. Entriia had opened her eyes and gazed at the woman, standing at the foot of her bed; head lowered in what may have been shame or embarrassment. There had been a long, tense moment of silence before Entriia spoke. “When would you have told me?” “I...I would have, I was going too soon.” Entriia laughed softly, shaking her head. “I thought you loved me.” Honoria had begun to mouth some spineless protest when Entriia spoke again, her voice icily cold. Anger was rising to the surface and she held one hand close to the dagger, hidden in the folds of her night-robes. “I can see it now…you are nothing but a whore. Whispering false words of love into your client’s ears then moving on to the next” Entriia growled angrily at Honoria, her hand clenching on her dagger. The woman stepped away from the bed, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t have come, I’m sorry” “No. You shouldn’t,” Entriia snarled. Honoria had walked away, down the old creaking steps of the Inn, almost silently. Entriia had closed her eyes again, trying to force herself to stop the tears that had already swept down her face the moment Honoria had left.
Sometime later, it could have been only hours, Entriia was no longer sure; her time was spent drifting in and out of tear stained sleep. She had sent a silent message to Honoria, finding her lovers mind easily, reaching across the distance. “…Just answer me one question. Why could I not be enough for you?” The answer had surprised and shocked Entriia at first, then had come the anger. A feral rage building up within her, screaming at her to cause pain, to rip and tear, claw at the disloyal bitch. “How long before you would have grown bored of me? Moved onto another like you did with Tyrona” Entriia had snarled angrily, smashing her fist into the bed table beside her, crying out as the skin split in a cloud of dust, screaming into Honoria’s mind, even if the woman had blocked her out already “I loved you!”
Entriia had gathered up her dagger and robes, running for the nearby Gryphons. She had tossed a few silvers down to the Gryphon Master. He took the money quickly and put something down on the ledger next to him, unwilling to have this strangely garbed woman standing at his post for long.
Several hours later, Entriia padded silently into a small home in the northern fields of Hillsbrad. If the bitch thought she could flee to the north and leave everything behind, she was wrong…so very wrong. She grinned to herself and cast her head around, searching for that familiar scent. That scent that had only a day before been a herald of joy and safety to her. She stood for several heartbeats, silently, watching. Drinking in the beauty of Honoria’s naked body, laying sprawled out in the large four poster bed, the silken sheets at her feet. Entriia choked back her tears. A painful sense of longing and loss swept over her. She could not see Honoria with anyone else…she could not see herself living without her. This beautiful woman that slept peacefully before her had been the last thing in Entriia’s life. When she could stand it no longer Entriia drew her dagger in one swift moment and strode forward. Her emotions swept away in that torrent of anger and primal fury. She descended onto the bed, hammering the steel handle of her dagger into Honoria’s left temple, in one swift motion. Honoria had screamed, her eyes snapping open. The Kal’dorei grinned and ran a hand through that golden, silken hair before yanking on it hard. Honoria winced in pain, her head spinning, her eyesight blurry from the sharp blow. Gazing up at the hooded figure she frowned. “Entriia…why are you here?” “I’ve come to give you your payment, like the good little whore you are” She had hisses through her teeth. Reversing her grip on the dagger and bringing the razor keen blade down. The Witchblade slid through Honoria’s chest with ease, exploding through the bone of her ribs and piercing a lung. Entriia slid the blade out, her tongue playing across the bloodied surface. Honoria had coughed and looked up at Entriia’s face. “Payment…what...what do you mean?” “You are a whore, I am paying you bitch!” Entriia grinned down at her, her eyes shinning with bloodlust, her teeth bared in a fixed snarl.
Honoria had passed out several minutes later, blood filling her lungs… killing her swiftly. Entriia had run a finger across her face, tracing the delicately soft lines. Then just as she had walked to the door, Entriia had stopped; turning and watching the bloodied form of the woman she loved. She sighed softly and walked back. “I am not going to kill you… I still love you, even if you do not love me.” She had whispered softly, tears running down the edges of her hood, dripping onto the naked body. Emptying a small glowing vial into Honoria’s blood filled mouth, she once again left.
“You might want to find your lover…before she is dead,” Emily heard the silent call in her mind, the familiar, cold voice of Entriia accompanying it.
“I cannot live without you Hon...” Entriia had been sitting in her usual shadowy corner of The Blue Recluse when Honoria had wandered in. Spying Entriia in the corner she had backed away, panicking. Entriia had approached her, blade drawn, swaying drunkenly. “I would kill you! I should!” She had shouted at the human. “Then do it, hurt me again.” At this Entriia had dropped her blade, her voice braking with sadness. “Just tell me…please. Give me an answer so I can know what I did to loose you.” Honoria had sighed softly, biding for her to sit down. “I cannot live without you Hon” The Kal’dorei had broken down into silent tears, her body shivering. “I will always love you Entriia. But Emily and I were meant to be, can’t you see that. We are on the same path.” “You are one of the strongest people I know. You are Entriia Darkstorm, a master Shadoweaver. You will find your strength again.” Entriia had laughed bitterly at that, shaking her head slowly. “You were my strength…without you I am nothing.” She wanted them too still be friends…She didn’t understand. Just seeing her... It was unbearable.
Some days later Entriia was sitting in a small alleyway, perched by the side of a tree, she herself comforting someone. “I am sorry mistress, this is all my fault. I didn’t know. Now she will lead to you being caught…” Nymphadora wailed, sobbing in distress. She looked so much like her, it hurt to see her. That same soft, curved face, the golden hair. Entriia sighed, a sound of pure depression. She strokes Nymph’s face slowly, tracing the lines, making soothing noises. “Hush dear…it is not your fault; you could not know she was connected with the Mistress. It does not matter anyway dear. I shall serve again…but not now.” Nymphadora had wiped her eyes at this, sniffling slightly she looked into Entriia’s eyes. “Why not now, Mistress?”
“I need time, to live. I am not ready to be consumed…not now, not yet” Entriia sighed, tears coming to her eyes again. So much had happened in this last week. She had been plunged into a sea of deppresion, anguish and pain. She had been plunged into a sea of emotion…
Such a lonely day
And it’s mine
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day Should be banned It’s a day that I can't stand
The most loneliest day of my life The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day Shouldn’t exist It's a day that I’ll never miss
Such a lonely day And it’s mine The most loneliest day of my life
And if you go, I wanna go with you And if you die, I wanna die with you Take your hand and walk away
The most loneliest day of my life The most loneliest day of my life The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day And it’s mine It’s a day that I’m glad I survived
-Lonely Day